我已开始融化了

this title is extracted from the previous entry that i posted...
y do i specifically chose this??

to be honest i am not too sure too..
jus tt recentli or in fact for the past few months..
the weak and lousy angela had been exposing herself more than the strong and cheerful one...

melting...
in the form of tears i guess...
i hasnt been able to control my tears as well as before...
the slightest issue that happen will make me tear...
just like today....
the pain is actually bearable.. but for some reason, i just cant help but teared...

my heart can longer defend itself...
my emotions seems to be out of control...
dunno wat got into me...

hasnt really been who i wanted myself to be...
or how i used to be...

i had made some promises to myself...
hope i can really make it...
pray that thgs will be better as time goes by....

*i dunno if i can be who u want me to be or who u expect me to be..... i will just try my best.. i promise*

女人

saw tis is my profile...
wrote this some time back...
its like how i feel now...

女人是水做的， 我也不例外。。
为有不同的，
是我选择把水结成冰，
让它不轻易融化。。。

这样一来， 眼泪也就不容易掉下。。。

但有时， 我也无法控制。。。
不知为何眼泪还是选择掉下。。。
漏出我最脆弱的一面。。。

女人无论再坚强， 也会碰到融化的一天。。。

请不要把别人的快乐，建立在我的痛苦之上

Yakuza Moon

Finally finish reading this book...
got it together with crystal just before the exams...
but have to keep my hands off them until i finish my papers...

life story of a Yakuza's Daughter...
telling abt her life, ups and downs...
the life she had from young...
the men she met...
the choices she made...

very interesting... read abt the yakuza culture and how man treated women during her time...
she is a strong and determined lady...
if i were her, i might have made a diff choice..
like the way she focus on family love and bond in the book...
the memories she had wif her family when young, and her commitment to the family...
family is to respect each others' choice and to love them for who they are, help them whenever needed... tts family...

only sad fact abt the book is that there is no update on her present life...
hmmm....
she is the writer... cool tattoo... i would never have the courage to do it....

原来爱情这么伤

原来爱情这么伤

我睁开眼睛
却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半
莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想
时间变得更漫长
也与你有关
否则又开始胡思乱想
我日月无光
忙得不知所以然
找朋友交谈
其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯
有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上
现在空了一个地方
原来爱情这么伤
比想像中还难
泪水总是不听话
幸福躲起来不声不响
太多道理太牵强
道理全是一样
说的时候很简单
爱上后却正巧打乱
只想变得坚强
强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤
只要学会抵抗
原来爱情这么伤
原来爱情是这样
这样峰回路转
泪水明明流不干
瞎了眼还要再爱一趟
有一天终于打完
思念的一场战
回过头再看一看
原来爱情那么伤
下次还会不会这样

命中主定我爱你!!

<命中主定我爱你>
This is the drama that i just finished watching...
like what it's title tells, its a story about 2 persons destined to be together...
a foolish mistake forced the couple to be together... and also because of the mistake, they learn about life, learn how to love, learn how to fight for the dreams and life, learn how to treasure...
a show with a happy ending... =)

every stage and experience in life is an important lesson...
somehow or rather we will learn from own/people's experiences...
and i learn a little from the drama... lol
had been a long time since i last watched a drama that make me teared like mad...
this feeling is kinda "Shiok" lolx

dramas are all stories made up by people...
concepts based on individual experiences and dreams...
and alot of the incidents and situations in the dramas are things that we wished it would ever happen in our lives but its not within our control...

i realised all taiwan dramas like to begin wif gers dreaming of being a princess...
being the princesses in the fairytales....
finding their prince charming coming to their rescue...
i thk this is wat all the gers dream of.. being pretty and nice... having their prince charming by their sides supporting them... living happily ever after... lolx...
i prayed for mine too... but will it ever happen??
我的白马王子在哪里?? lolx

people always says that "Fate is in your hands","命运掌握在自己手中"
i just wonder how much can my hands hold on to??
how much can i grab with my own hands??

i always believes in fate and destiny...
even after bad experiences... i still believe...
but i guess, now i will take fate and destiny cautiously...
害怕命运再跟我开玩笑了...

they also say "Life is a gamble"
for every decision made, its either a winning decision or a losing one...
it depends on your chocie and once the choice is made, u have to be brave and to face the consequences...
if u made the right choice, congratulate yourself and proceed to the next...
if u failed, try to salvage the situation and learn from the mistake...

this reminds me of leonard..
he always tells me about him gambling in life...
it might not be in monetary form of gambling, it can be anything that happened around you..
u just have to make a decision, place a bet and wait to see the outcome...
regardless what is the result, simply face it and deal with it...

i took a gamble in the relationship with him and i lost...
nvm... i will face it and learn from it...
but leonard, u took another bet from now on... u are betting on ur future, life and family...
be careful in the decisions u make okie... cos the results might be too much for u to bear...
all the best =)

gonna continue watching new dramas...
lol... this is gonna be my new hobby for the time being ba... =p
to pass time and to learn....

Best Saturday Night Supper!!

I had the best supper tonight!!
supper wif no one else but my very own sister...
and the best thing is---- ANGELA tried to CYCLE!!
lol

i am freaking adventurous tonight la...
i had never been able to cycle properly and tonight dunno y i jus had the courage to cycle to the coffee shop nearby wif my sis (on her blades) to get supper...

initially we planned to eat there...
but we wanna let our Qian Bao Bei have a share of the fun so we decided to just buy the food back...

the shop is jus 20 mins (walking distant) from home... and we took almost an hour lor.. lolx
thanks to the lousy cyclist which is me...
wasted so much time trying to cycle properly and keeping my boy safe in the basket... lol...

the bike belongs to my goddad la... the seats are too high for me... cant event touch the ground lor... i ended up breaking 3 of my toe nails...
idiot... lol... freaking painful (not bcos its bleeding, but bcos i took some time to let my nails grow into its previous length la) argh!!

nvm, its a nice experience anyway... lucky i have my sis ard to help me adjust the seat, if not i thk i might even end up breaking all my 10 toe nails la... lolx...
feel so lousy...
mus cycle more... so that i can master the skill of cycling wif my boy boy in the basket...
hehe.... next aim is to cycle to bedok interchange... LOL...

The night was boring and lonely initially...
my sister and my dog brightened my night...
Nice supper and we watched dvd all night long....
had been ages since we last did that...

Friday Night @ Arena

Wooo~~~
Finally exams are over and Finally i get to Party!!!
=p

exams ended for more than a week, and emily finally completed all her papers and we can party... lol
had been waiting for her to party wif me... cos we already planned for the after exam activity way before the papers started.. party animals indeed... lol

roy also came back in time to join us... keke...
ryan didi also managed to make it... happy~~~

initial plan was to head to attica... but for the sake of our dear roy, we headed to arena instead... *grinz* (emily shld understand y i say tt la)

Met a few new friends... Diana, Janice, Rebacca... pretty gers... keke
i have new liking for pretty gers la... die liao...

coincidently bumped in to alex there, and really have to thank him for sharing his table with us...
we went pretty late, so couldnt get a proper place.. lucky can share with him, if not we all have to wonder ard le... thanks....

was kinda happy that last night cos it was the very first time i gt a free drink from the management there for qualifying for the "Dress to Kill - You are Beautiful"
lol... abit bhb la...
felt flattered by the compliment... thanks thanks...
gonna keep the stud as a souvenior... lolx

Tiring but fun night... thanks guys... Hugz

选择人身...

想尝试，却又害怕受到伤害
想逃避， 却又害怕寂寞

已可以坦然接受，
但害怕挫折
想要方手
但不想失去

人身总是充满了选择与希望
每一步都要很小心
每个决定都要慎重

当以无选择时， 是否应该妥协?
是不是这样才能得到幸福??

Emotionally Weak~~

Haven been feeling fantastic for the past months...
and after the incident i came to realised that i am not as strong as before...

i took a long long time to recover...
and when i tot i am fine, someone else hit me again...
left me feeling weak and restless...

i am no longer the independent ger whom i use to be..
and i tend to depend on another person easily....
lost once again~~~

alot of issues running in my mind...
and i am starting to have more doubts and uncertainty in life...

玻璃心以碎， 对爱以感到麻木。。。
失去了昨天，害怕明天。。。
失去了快乐，只剩下寂寞。。。
已无力面对人与事。。。
只想一个人静静的等待。。。
等待自己勇敢站起来。。。
重新打造新的自己，新的未来。。。

i wanted to give in...
but i dun wanna loose my own life like i did b4...
i felt the pain once, i dun wan it to happen again...
sorry

Empty~~

Finally i am done with my exams... but at this very point dunno y but i wish that exam is still on and haven come to an end...

Feel so dreaded after the stressful mth and aft last night i felt even worse...
this is always the case for the past few years...
whenever i feel that thgs are going fine... they are not
whenever that i feel that this is wat i wan.... it dun appear so...

i am starting to get lost in my own choices and my surrounding....
dreaded~~~
physically drained...
mentally tired...
emotionally hurt.....

i want my life back again....

Decided to start packing up the rubbish in my mind and heart...
gonna take a while... but definitely will be fine...

theres alot i wanna do....
1. pack my clothes (nightmare)
2. pack my books
3. My room...
4. read my new book and backlog of magazines....
5. do mask...

lotz n lotz

then i wanna head for more stuff out of home....
wanna party, meet my friends, chill out, shopping~~~

this is my life...

~love me for who i am, this is

Committing~~

Committing to me means really putting ur heart, soul, action into it..
throughout our life is commitments...
from the moment u r born its your family..
then its ur studies, work, relationship, marriage, a new family...
and most importantly is Urself...

being responsible, committed, fulfilling promises and goals is lifetime issues...
never a single moment u can completely get out and away from it...

in life, alot of people claims that they know what they are doing and they claimed that they are committing, being responsible...
how true is it??


had met wif too many of such cases when problems starts arising when commitment is not there, when being irresponsible, breaking promises...
i start to doubt even if ppl know what they are doin at that very point of time in life...

thgs happened cos of individual's choices...
and like wat some people say... "i dun promise unless i am sure i can keep to it"
i really appreciates when i hear that... cos i know for the moment i can trust completely...
but if ever a promise is made, how long can it substain??
is there really somethg call lifetime promise??
even marriage is no longer a lifetime promise, what else?? family??

i would really love to meet that someone who can really commit and promise...
and never a lie..
but i highly doubt there is...

contradicting human beings...

Angie Once again--Invasions

i know i had a random title for this entry and i am not sure if i had chosen the right word..
but this word just pop into my mind b4 i fell asleep yesterday...

various stuff had been invading my mind for the past few months and my concentration had been shifting from point to point...

i joined a new company and started a new career and now i am leaving...

i kept my main concentration on the relationship i shared wif leonard and now its no longer there...

i had been telling myself to focus on studies but i cant...

new dreams, new goals, new thinking and new people and been coming into my life..
hitting me from point to point...
and the most amazing thing is for the past 24 yrs i feel that i am a person who knows myself the best... now i am no longer...

i had kinda changed to be a more practical person... no longer the dreamer whom i use to be...
no more fairytale in life... no more dream job... no more prince charming... no more happily ever after...

new thought invaded my life... and wif the new people i am meeting...
things are changing even faster...
from people ard me i learn alot of new thgs once again..
and my world is opening up... no more restricted to my dreamland...

now wat i only ask for is being independent once again...
aim and fly towards my new goals...
i wont allow anyone to hold me back anymore...
cos lacking behind others is never angie's way in life... NEVER

i lost my aim and self once... i wont allow it to happen anymore...
i am not gonna look back anymore at this point...
but once i reach my peak with the best result i wanna obtain...
i will definitely look back once again and have a good laugh at myself...
how silly i am and stubborn i had been...

For my new goals and dreams,
no one can help me except myself...
and no one can support me except myself...

Angie will assist angela like how she use to...
Angie is back in action...
ALIVE!!

*The love i have kept me wondering... i am lost and unsure.... *

AreNa Nitez...

Just before the exam terror hits us...
i went to arena wif emily and friends...
de-stress before the stress hit us... lolx


its a nite full of fun and sweat.. lol
had been so long since i last dance so much and perspire so much...
SHIOK!! lol

Thanks ger...

My 24th Birthday...

Thanks to all for giving such a lovely birthday...
Thanks Junna for helpin me arrange..
Thanks Kor for getting so many of them down...
Thank Raymond for the most wonderful cake... Thanks...

U guys made me feel so love... really
at my lowest point i have u guys by me...
really appreciates...

Thanks Raymond for that cheesecake...
really nice... next time must teach me how to bake okie...
now i need to crack my brain for ur pressie le lor.. =pMy kor, Rina mei, Junna sister, me n JH...Raymond really did a very good job for the cake..
so touched.. really...
1st time a guy bake a cake for me wor.. lolx...
will always remember de...
thanks so much...
Thanks so much for turning up...
Really nice to see most of u...
esp those rare guest la... Jin, Alvin Juxuan...
all very hard to date de lor...

lol.. u guys made me feel so loved when i tot i lost it completely...
*muacks*

Growing Up & Growing Out From IT....

I know i can be relatively random at times when it comes to blogging...
and i know at times it hard to understand wat i am tryin to say in my entries...
i guess this will be the place when no one knows best except myself and no one understands the meanings and purposes behind my entries besides myself...

its close to 6 in the morning and i am suppose to be mugging for my paper in 4 hrs time...
but i cant concentrate as i have a sudden urge of blogging...
i feel like saying thgs to myself and to remind myself of stuff that i dun wish to talk about anymore...

its reaching the 3rd month since they day he choose to walk away and leave me with the pain and fear that he can never understand...
from the beginning of this period that i am all alone, i tot he is the only one that i need, the only one that i want to be with and the only one who really loves me...
but time changes people and time makes people grow...

i am proud to say that i am ok and i am fine once again...
fine and ok in the sense that i am no longer holding on to the feelings that i ever had for him and i am no longer looking forward to any possibilities between us anymore...
for the reason that, i dunno how much i can trust him anymore, or i can trust a guy anymore...

fate brought us together twice in my life... and i guess... i am already blessed...
so i shldnt be asking for more or expecting more...
people always say
相遇是一种缘分。。。
相爱也是一种缘分。。。
但缘分是可欲不可求。。。
i ever had this fate once i ever had it twice...
its enough... i thk i wont be greedy to ask for more...
and i am sure that at tis point in life, i dun wan more from him anymore...

in a relationship, what we always look for is Love, Understanding, Comfort , Happiness & Pain...
i ever had them... and i am glad i had finally been through the whole process...
at least i ever loved and was loved....
知足也是以种幸福。。。
我现在很幸福。。。

for the past months i never realise that letting go can be a form of beauty and a form of love..
love for myself and for my friends and family who cares...
and for the past few mths i had been embranced with love from all...

To my dearest ones,

dun worry about me anymore... i am fine...
i am so much better than b4 now...
i had already walk out from it and i will start blooming from this point once again...

[Min] Bestie i know i am a late bloomer in relationship... i FINALLY experience what u had went through and i finally know that actually i can be quite stupid lor...

[Junna] Thanks ger, sorry for not keeping in close contact, had been busy.. but still in love wif u okie... *huggies*

[James] Kor, i know u always respect my decision as long as i am happy... I AM HAPPY NOW!! with you and the rest... *muacks*

[Priscillia] Ger, dun be worry about me anymore le... i am okie le... concentrate on ur wedding planning okie.. if need help jus call me... i am more than willing lor.. i am really happy for u... *hugz*

[Michelle] u r my New Love lor... love u so Much... Ger, be happy okie... treasure what u have now.. some things just takes a while to get better...

[Pru Gang] Thanks for keeping me so occupied all these while... MJ!! MJ!! MJ!! Drinking Drinking Drinking!! Can thk of healthier activity ma... i am okie with anything as long as its away from the sun okie... =p

please dun worry for me anymore.. i am so much better now...
now i have 新目标。。。新希望。。。i wont thking much...
just wanna go ahead and explore the new chapter in my life...

Love u guys... Muacks...

Diamond~~

My Daily Story frm Wilson...

everyone was born a true and complete diamond...
but over the years ...
with family prob.. relationship prob.. work and stress.. one after another..
this poor little diamond got stained again and again..
not onli stained but even scratches.. and it no longer shine anymore..
but.. there by going throught the process of picking yourself up from all the problems and dismays..
it is when you're actually polishing your diamond again..
although this diamond may not be the same diamond which is flawless and there may be even scratches on it..
but after all the polishing.. at least ya still shine again..
and a flawed diamond with scratches that shines is always better than a pebble worth..
so.. be a shiny little diamond eh..

Thanks Wilx