A Day For Me to Remember

Today is the day for me and my family to remember...

Last year on this day, at this very moment..
i shld be at SGH crying my heart out...
tearing like i have endless supply of tears..

time realli flies, she had already left us for a year...

today i took leave so as to be present at the temple to pray..
my 2nd aunt's death anniversary...

for the past year, things had changed quite alot at home..
new chef, new management...
2nd aunt use to be the one taking charge and our chef..
but now the tasks had been distributed to 5th aunt n dayi..

woke up super earli this morning to get ready to go to the temple for the rituals..
have kinda like engaged a prist for some rituals and we have to get there earli for preparation.

For this past year, i admit that i had alwaes been running away..
as in i try not to go to the temple to pray with my other family member..
i know its bad for me to say and admit..
but i have to say it.. cos i feel sorry...
towards my late aunt and my family...
at times even when i can make it.. i choose nt to go..
cos i know myself very well..
i might make everyone feel worse.. i cant control my tears well..
so better not affect the others..

Today i have to go.. its a must i tell myself..
1st year death anniversary... a day for me to remember and a day for me to show how my love and appreciation i have towards my late aunt..
recalling the times since i am a child, she plays a huge part in my life..
there are just so much about her that i wanna remember and i wont forget...
(i will take about my childhood story in the coming posts)

Indeed, i know myself too well..
i cant control myself, i cant control my tears...
in the process of the rituals, i started tearing...
alot of images floating in my mind.. remindin me the past and wat she had done for me..
every single little thg..
tears just fall...

as i am the eldest so-called 'child' there...
i knelt in front of the tablet for the chanting and for some parts of the ceremony...
my heart, my head, my eyes felt heavy..
and i jus cant control myself as much as i tot i could..

before i left, i stand in front of her urn...
there's so much i wanna say and so much i wanna tell her..
but.. i said nuttin...
i simply keep calling "er yi ma"