Coping with the Breakup

It is really tough for me to write out this entry...
had been a long long time since i last wanted to post it..
but i cant, cos i know i am still not stable enough to write out about how i feel and wat i thk...

you can say that i am stupid, you can say that i am dumb
you can say that i am silly, you can say that i am running away from the fact...
whatever ppl are gonna say.. or he is gonna say...
i have decided to stick to my own decision... to wat i really thks...

i had been askin myself to move on...
telling myself that i can definitely find someone better...
but i cant really do it...
my feelings and emotions are kinda stable now..
not as bad as how i felt at the initial stage...
i am now not as easily affected by him as before...
but still...
i cant really let go...
i had foolishly put in too much into this r/s...

regardless where i go wat i do, it simply reminds me of him and the thgs we do together...
although we were together for only abt a yr..
but the memories are really too strong and too much to forget...

i went Dbl O, and it reminds me of the times he went there wif me on wed nites...
when i am on train, i tot of the time we will try to take the same train aft his wrk and b4 my class..
when i am watchin a movie, it reminds me of the feeling of havin him sitting beside me keeping me warm and holding on to me..
worse is when i am home...
every corner of my room reminds me of his presence...
even when i look out of the window, it reminds me of him parking downstairs waiting just directly below my window for me to be down... waving to me saying "i love u" before he head to his car aft sending me home...
every single detail single word he ever say he ever did...
it just keep flowing through my mind...

how i wish time will fly faster...
how i wish he will clear his thoughts faster...
how i wish he could recall his love and care for me faster..

i will still be here... waiting for miracle....
i dunno how long it will be...
but all i know is... i wont give up so easily..
i really treasure this relationship alot...
too much till i cant let go at this point....

God, please help me...
i am loosing my love my hope...
i really dun wan to....

*i am searching for the angela who loves herself more than anything else*